A Story About Friends

Posted in Uncategorized on 23.5.13 by jellayrei

It was early in the morning. Looking at his reflection in the mirror Barclay sighed. While it was true that he certainly wasn’t hideous, he definitely was no Robert Downy Jr. He wasn’t especially tall, nor was he particularly muscular, or good looking. Just average. His black mohawk was messy and unkempt as you would expect from someone who has a mohawk and doesn’t own any kind of hair product besides shampoo and conditioner.

Heading out the door of his apartment  Barclay grabbed his keys and headed for his car. Then he paused, perhaps he would ride the motorcycle today. After all the weather was nice, and he wasn’t planning on giving any rides today. He swapped out his keys, grabbed his helmet, and headed out the door.

Barclay smiled to himself.  He was on his way downtown to have lunch with one of his best friends. Today was going to be a good day, one of the best. There was nothing particularly special about today, but anytime he got to see Naina, it was a good day.

In terms of appearance Naina was your regular supermodel. She had fantastic skin, and a perfectly symmetrical face, with a slender nose and a laugh that could turn the worst of days into the best of days. Slender and cut, Barclay secretly suspected that the only reason she wasn’t a model was because she was just a touch on the short side for a model. Or maybe because she just didn’t want to be. Barclay however thought that she was the perfect height.

But her physical appearance wasn’t why Barclay liked hanging out with Naina. Naina was the understanding type, the type that Barclay trusted with all his secrets, the one who could always make Barclay feel better no matter how bad things were. Naina could convince Barclay that things would be okay, that he was okay, even during the darkest of hours. And though Naina was (what Barclay would consider to be) clearly a superior being, she liked being around Barclay too. And that made her fun to be around. Though she’d never admit it, that girl was something special. Barclay told Naina everything and Naina trusted Barclay with the same. And he loved it, and  her. Probably any regular bystanders would have thought that they were an item, but Barclay knew better. Naina had already turned him down a couple times, so Barclay knew they weren’t really a pair (though he would often wish they were,) but they weren’t just regular friends either. It was, in fact, very complicated.

Over lunch Naina and Barclay talked. Even though it was the same old chit-chat as always, Barclay never got bored of it, and neither, apparently, did Naina.

“Climb Everest with me!” Naina said excitedly. She’d been asking him on and off for years.

Barclay thought about it for a moment, “Sure,” he said finally, he had been toying with the idea for some time now.

“Sound happy about it!” Naina pleaded.

Barclay smiled and tapped his watch with his index finger, and Naina looked at her phone, “I guess it’s go time, I’m going to be late for class,” she said frowning.

“Don’t go,” Barclay said jokingly, “stay a while and play!”

“I can’t.” Naina said matter-of-factly “Quiz. But I’m not sure if I can make it on time…”

“I would take you,” Barclay said “but…..” his eyes drifted to his single helmet “ah, but you’re going to be late then….”

Naina frowned.

“I’ll take you,” Barclay said with some finality “I’ll be careful. You trust me right?” He said pushing his helmet into Naina’s arms.

Naina’s eyes widened and she shook her head and pushed the helmet back, “You wear it,” she said.

Barclay sighed. He never could argue with Naina, though he did occasionally try.

“You’re going to be late,” he said, “don’t argue, just put it on.”

You don’t argue then.” Naina said.

Barclay sighed and pulled the helmet over his head “Okay, I’ll be extra careful” he said.

But it wasn’t long after they got onto the highway that Barclay realized something was wrong. The bike was unstable and would speed up on it’s own accord.  Barclay gently squeezed the breaks, but it showed no signs of slowing down. Barclay frowned.

“Hey Naina,” Barclay said “I have a complaint.”

“What?”

“We talk online a lot right? Facebook, GChat, Texts or whatever.”

“Yeah?”

“You’ve told me a lot of times that you love me, but I’ve never heard you say it in person.”

“Yeah?” Naina said, rolling her eyes.

“I want to hear you say it.” Barclay said.

“Ugh. Fine. I love you.” Naina said, sighing slightly.

“And Naina, this helmet is kind of bugging me, I can’t really see well. Can you take it off for me really fast?” Barclay said nonchalantly.

Naina frowned but complied with Barclay’s request “what do you want me to do with it?” she asked.

“I don’t know, just like…. wear it for a while or something.” Barclay said dismissively. Reluctantly Naina pulled the helmet over her head.

A little further down the road Barclay looks over his shoulder at Naina, “Hey sorry, I have another complaint.” he said.

Naina nodded.

“How come  you never hug me?” Barclay said “You do to some of your other friends.”

Naina rolled her eyes again.

“I demand a hug,” Barclay said a little more forcefully.

Naina put her hand on his shoulder and frowned as if to say “what’s wrong?”

Barclay shook his head “Nothing,” he said shaking his head “I just want a hug.”

Naina rolled her eyes again, but she leaned in and put her hands around his chest. Barclay sat up a little straighter and inhaled a deep breath. Raising his head towards the sky he closed his eyes for a moment, taking in everything one last time. He could feel Naina’s heart beating against his back, her hands on his chest, her helmeted head pressing against the back of his. The wind blowing past him. He drew another deep breath. When he opened his eyes again the bike was moving very fast down the road. Trees, cars, everything, just blurred past the two of them in a swirl of color.

“Naina I’m sorry,” he said quietly “I think you’ll probably have to find someone else to climb Everest with you.”

Barclay took the off ramp, and swerved the motorcycle into a building. Everything went to black.

.:*The Next Day*:.

Naina opened her eyes, everything hurt. She shifted her weight and a beeping sounds started somewhere. A nurse came rushing in.

“Sorry, the nurse said apologetically, they didn’t do a great job with that IV, so it’s going to beep a bit.”

“What happened?” Naina said, her throat dry and voice raspy.

“According to the police report, the bike malfunctioned. Couldn’t stop.” the nurse replied briskly. She flipped through the chart “Ah you’re Naina,” she said softly. Naina tilted her head in curiosity.

“That guy on the bike with you, was he your…..” the nurses voice trailed.

Naina shook her head.

“Just friends huh?” the nurse asked.

“Not just any friends,” Naina replied quietly.

The nurse nodded knowingly.

“Is he…… okay?” Naina asked.

“Sorry babe, he was gone before the ambulance got there,” the nurse said shaking her head sadly, she tapped her index finger against the side of her head “no helmet.”

Naina closed her eyes and sighed “Barclay, you idiot,” she whispered “I’m going to miss you.”

“I think he left this for you,” the nurse said gently, pressing a wrinkled peace of paper into her hand “they found it in his wallet.”

The nurse quietly left the room, pulling closed the pale green curtains. Naina held the wrinkled peace of paper to the light. It was hard to read and covered in blood. She didn’t know if it was hers or Barclay’s. Barclay who was now long gone from this place.

To Naina:

I’ll love you forever,

so love me back till the end.

I can’t live without you,

because you’re my friend.

-Barclay

A note to a special friend:

A friend of my uncle’s once asked him, “life is so hard, how is it that you can live life?” My uncle replied “You open your eyes and then close your eyes, and just like that a day has passed. You close your eyes and can’t open your eyes, and just like that, your life has passed.” Life, as it turns out, really is pretty short, and you never know what sorts of twists and turns will happen along the way. And with that being the case, I would hate to look back and think to myself “dammit, I should have let you know that you are important to me.” I don’t want to wonder why I never told you that you showed me a better way to live life. Why I never said “thank you for not giving up on me, even when you should have, even when I already had.” Why I never told you that I love you. So I want you to know that even if I don’t come out and say it to you straight, all these things that I’ve said are true.

And there is something else that will also be true. Regardless of anything that happens (I am eluding to something in particular here,) if you need my help, you can always come to me.  No matter what happens, I will always be here, I will always be your friend. No matter what. This is a promise.

Thank you so much.

Different People & Different Lives

Posted in Uncategorized on 27.3.13 by jellayrei

This article requires some explanation as to how it should be read. It’s two separate stories which are meant to be read in tandem. One story happens on the left side and the other story happens simultaneously either else where or in a parallel universe somewhere on the right side. I think that content wise I’ve finally reached that point where I’ve managed to elevate my writing to the next level, content wise that is. Unfortunately my old writing style doesn’t quite fit this format, so it’s become shorter and more fragmented (the fact that wordpress can’t format this thing for me the way I want doesn’t help.) When I read over this piece, I think it really has a unique flavor and some good textual elements to it. Perhaps I’d like to try and get it published somewhere (i.e. if anyone has any thoughts or ideas I’m all ears. There’s a comment section for a reason!) Also a few book keeping things, I’ve decided to turn this blog into a showcase for my writing, so I’ve deleted close to around 60 articles that fail to do so (basically anything with dead links or is under 1000 words.) I think articles will be published with much lower frequency now, but the quality of writing should be substantially improved.

As always here’s a little recommended reading music. This song fits the piece pretty well I think.

Different People & Different Lives

It’s the morning

He wakes up, and around him| He wakes up, beside him
is total silence.                        | he hears the sound of
(………………………………………………)|his wife breathing
(………………………………………………)|gently beside him.
In his silent house he begins  | With a slight smile he begins
his morning workout.              | his morning workout.
“I will die on my own terms,”  | “There is so much to live for,”
he says to himself.                  |he says to himself.
In silence he continues his      | Halfway through his
workout.                                  | workout the house begins to stir.
The morning workout ends,    |The morning workout ends,
and he grabs something out   | and he sits down with his wife for
the refrigerator for breakfast. |breakfast.

It’s time to go to work.
He locks up his empty silent   | It’s time to go to work.
house. On the way out he     |With a smile he bids
glimpses some boxes piled    | his wife a good day.
high in the corner. One day
when he’s gone, someone
will need to take care of
those boxes.

No one has arrived at
the office yet. He sits
at his desk and waits for
his co-workers to appear.
Slowly one by one they
begin to trickle in. They           |He arrives at the office,
great him and commend         |and he greats and makes
him for showing up early        |small talk with his co-workers.
day after day. He is well         | He is well loved by his
loved by these people.           |co-workers.
But regardless in the back      |But regardless in the back
of his mind he says.                |of his mind he says.
“I wish there was                   |”In life there is
something more.”                   |so much more.”

The work day comes               |The work day ends,
to an end. Slowly his               |and now he must
fellow laborers go                   |brave the evening traffic
home to their families             |to return home to his
one by one.                            |family.
He remains however,             |It is a long and
alone in the empty                 |arduous drive but
office, until the night              |the reward is worth
janitors appear for                 |it.
their shifts. On his                  |as he pulls into the
way out the door, he             |driveway his wife
bids the janitorial staff           |is also just getting
a good night.                          |home. He smiles.

He drives home, it is
already dark out. As he
opens the door, his dark
and silent house greets
him. It is dark inside, but
he knows the way. There
is no need for him to
bother the lights. He turns
on his computer, and the        |After spending some
gentle glow of the                  |time with his wife, they
computer monitor                   |go into the brightly lit
illuminates the dark space.     |kitchen.
He opens Netflix                     |They prepare a fresh
and reheats a dinner              |dinner together.
he prepared by himself            |After dinner they
earlier that week.                    |sit down and watch
There’s nothing new for           |a movie together.
him to watch, it’s all been        |They’d both seen this
seen so he closes his eyes      |movie before with friends.
and picks something at            |But it’s always fun to watch
random.                                   |again with different company.

It is time for bed,              |It’s time for bed,
tomorrow will come          |tomorrow will come
a day much similar           |a day much similar
to this one. Before going |to this one. Before going
to bed he prays.              |to bed he prays.

“Dear lord. Please grant     |”Dear lord. Thank you
me the serenity to              |for blessing me with
accept that which I             |all these wonderful things
cannot change. And            |and this wonderful family
the courage to change        |please continue to lead me
that which I can. I don’t      |with your guidance. I don’t
understand why you had    |understand why you had
me end up this way, but     |me end up this way, but
I can accept that it is for     |I can accept that it is
the best. Please continue   |the best.
to guide me.” He pauses.
“Though I may die alone
and a virgin, I’m sure
there are terrorists in
heaven who will be thrilled
to have their way with me.”

He smiles at his own joke,    |He smiles at the sound
it was a good one. Then       |of his wife, breathing
slowly he falls asleep as the |gently beside him.
silence of the house closes   |And quickly he falls
in on him.                              |asleep.

Love Your Third Wheel: We’re More Than Yesterday’s Trash Garbage

Posted in Uncategorized on 27.3.13 by jellayrei

Recommended Reading Music

Hi, it’s me. Your third wheel. You know who I am, right? To amend the words of Sesame Street, one of these things is not like the others, one of these things won’t ever belong. That’s me. But that isn’t to say that we don’t serve a purpose. Before talking about that though, first I need to talk about what we are. We’re that extra wheel, the one that just doesn’t really fit in any social group. And I’m not talking strictly about relationship type social groups (though these also apply,) I mean pretty much any form of social group. Contrary to what the term ‘third wheel’ implies, we serve an important function. We’re the training wheels of a social function. The support for conversations before the alcohol starts to flow. The catalysts that keep the conversations going while things are still foreign. We know when to chime in and when to shut up. When we should be around and when we should just leave.

When I was still learning the third wheel handbook, I’ve been kicked to the curb a few times. The same as the way you’d take out yesterday’s trash. But that’s okay, the third wheel learns. And I think I’ve learned well.  I’ve picked better social groups, and better friends. But in the end it still comes down to the same concept that ‘one of these things is not like the others, one of these things won’t ever belong.’ It took a little bit of work, but now I know when I’m needed and when I should go. When I should be around and when I’m just a hindrance. And when I’m no longer welcome, I will roll away, all on my own. Vanish with the wind, and no one will even know. I bet yesterday’s trash garbage doesn’t take itself out when it’s no longer needed. I’ve been the resident third wheel of some pretty great social groups. Great people. And I probably will be for a couple more.

But in the end I don’t really fit anywhere. Don’t get me wrong, it’s been a long time since I’ve been kicked to the curb. And in the past year, I’ve received much warmer invitations to stay, even when it’s been long past my due to stay. “Oh you’re leaving already?” they’ll ask me with feigned disappointment in their eyes. But I’ve been a third wheel for far too long not to know. “I’m sorry I really should go.” I’ll say with a slight bow. On behalf of all of the third wheels everywhere, I’d like to say thank you for your kind consideration.

If one of my fellow third wheels is reading this then I’d like to say a few things to you. I know what you feel, and it’s hard, but you are the third wheel, so you have to grin and bear it. You serve an important function. Some days it’s harder than others, some days it really sucks, being the third wheel. For me I still play my role, whether that is rolling away right away or sometime later. I’ll (and especially from here on out) do my utmost best not to squeak. Just as a cog in a machine does not complain about being just a cog. The third wheel should not complain about being the third wheel. That’s just simply what I am. Maybe one day you might find some kind of chance at something. Reach out and grasp it, you may fail, but it will change your life forever. If you succeed in whatever it is you’re trying to grasp, then great, and if you fail it’ll teach you the endurance to be a better third wheel, as long as you are willing to learn. God will give you the serenity to accept that which you cannot change.

Now a note to the rest, the non-third wheel components of the social functions. I’m not writing this because I want your pity. Don’t tell me “that’s so sad.” Your pity won’t make me a better wheel. I will be very forth coming in telling you what I wish from you in a very non-third wheel-ish fashion. Since my role is the third wheel, one day I will roll down an empty street, by myself. There will be no new social function which I can help found, no budding social group which I can help steady and send on their way. All the social groups which I am a part of will also no longer need my presence. I will be on my own. At this point if I have my way with things, I’ll kind of just vanish, silently, the way a good third wheel should. But it is my hope that maybe one day, after I’m gone, one of you will say “hey whatever happened to him? He was just a third wheel, but it sure was fun to have him around sometimes.”  If even one person can validate my existence, acknowledge the fact that I’m not a total waste, then that would be good enough.

And so please, remember your third wheel. At this point I’m not even entirely sure how human I am anymore. My third wheel daydreams kind of fucked with my third wheel-ness. My third wheel mojo so to speak. But for those of you who’ve showed me kindness, I will come back as a better wheel than before. By that time you’ll have long forgotten that I am in fact the third wheel, and I will not try and remind you. I will serve out my function as best I can, and I hope that in the future, when I’m no longer around, you’ll remember that I was your precious third wheel.

This was a rather ambitions article in the sense that I tried to combine three previous articles I’ve written into a single article in under 1000 words and still have it be a standalone piece as well. I’ve recently been upset with my writing because, while it is indeed entertaining, it doesn’t really evoke any kind of emotional response from people. I was aiming to try and change that in this article. When I proof read it, it elicited the type of emotional response that I was going for at least in myself, however I am also in a rather dower mood to begin with so I question how effective it is.

 

Prayer

Posted in Uncategorized on 26.3.13 by jellayrei

God,
please grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change,
and change the things that I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.

Protected: I Wish You Could See What I See

Posted in Uncategorized on 22.3.13 by jellayrei

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All It’ll Take is One Solid Giraffe Kick to the Face

Posted in Uncategorized on 19.3.13 by jellayrei

Recommended reading music: World’s End Girlfriend – A Lost Piece (This song is from a REALLY good album by the way)

So lately I’ve been thinking about the following question. Given the choice, how would I like to die? I mean look, I’m not like suicidal or (contrary to what seems to be popular belief) chronically depressed, or anything like that. But if you think about it, dying is kind of a really big deal. It’s one of those things that you only get to do one time in your entire life. One time, that’s it. If you die lamely it’s not something where you can be like “Sorry I messed up, can I get a mulligan?” One time. That’s it.

And so now you might be thinking to yourself “Goddamnit dude who even thinks of these things?” Well it’s not (completely) my fault. I was hanging out in the grad room with some of the other graduate students when the following conversation ensues.

“If you were to get killed by an animal what animal would you get killed by?” Student A asks.

“A shark,” replies Student B

“Oh yeah! Me too.” I say

“What? Why?” asks Student A.

“Look man, sharks are cool okay?” I say.

This conversation goes on for quite some time, with various other graduate students chiming in (Yeah you may have thought we’re all a bunch of brainiacs, but these are the types of things we talk about, when we’re not watching videos of goats yelling like people that is.) But naturally it was the National Merritt Scholar who had the best answer.

“Definitely a giraffe.” says the National Merritt Scholar. The rest of the room looks at him with blank stares. “I had a friend that worked at a zoo,” he continues to explain “if people get into any of the other animal’s cages they will try to save you, but if you get in with the giraffes they won’t.”

Well that seems awfully silly doesn’t it. They’ll try to save you from lions and bears and shit, but not a giraffe? Well you may laugh, but with tigers and those other animals, they can’t kill you instantly. But apparently all it takes is one solid giraffe kick to the face. Wham bam, you’re done. Instant death, no escaping it. So yeah, that’s a little scary, giraffes are beastly man. And so that got me thinking, what if in my obituary, or better yet on my tombstone it said ‘Jellayrei, 1989-????, lived a long and happy life, died when kicked in the face by a giraffe.’ You have to admit, that’d be pretty cool.

So why all this talk about dying and stuff? Well, I’ve had a few friends and family that have since passed away. Two grandparents to cancer, and one to just straight up old age. A friend of mine died to leukemia. And my old man almost died to a heart attack, and again a second time to a stroke (I’m not too broken up about it so you also shouldn’t be. My father and I aren’t close, we have something of a Luke and Darth Vader thing going on.) Look, I can accept that these things are not fully in my control, however if I can help it I do NOT want to die any of those deaths. Admittedly dying from old age I guess wouldn’t be terrible, but for my Gramps, it still happened in a hospital. I do NOT want to die in a goddamn hospital. And so the giraffe conversation got me thinking are there possibly even cooler ways to bite the dust (I’m talking about like actually possible scenarios here, so something like zombie apocalypse is probably not a feasible option.) At first I was thinking small scale, like “hmm maybe I could die in a violent car accident or perhaps I could be the victim of a random shooting,” or something along those lines. Something quick and painless but still with some bang to it (Though I suppose one of my aunts did die in a car accident. It didn’t sound like much a bang but I’m sure she’d beg to differ. But I digress.) But after some consideration there are some other relatively quick painless ways to die. Other ways which might be significantly more awesome. Once again here, death by giraffe comes to mind.

Before I get into it though, I’d like to reiterate a point here. I have NO intention of dying anytime soon (i.e. within the next 25 or so years.) I have some plans to do some pretty awesome stuff before I die (I’ve made plans to bike across America and a pretty good chunk of China with a friend, and travel a good portion of Asia with my roommates.) So keep your pants on, don’t freak out and call some kind of suicide intervention or something, there’s no need, trust me.

In any case I’ve been asking around, like “hey man, given the choice, how would you like to die?” Perhaps somewhat shockingly people are surprisingly open to talking about this. However no one has really given me a concrete answer. I’ve heard things like “I would like to die a noble death” and stuff like that. But once again let’s be realistic here. I mean really, think back, when was the last time you had the chance to step in and save someone’s life at the cost of your own? Never? I thought as much (note the wording here, “had the chance to” is the key. Obviously anybody who actually falls into this category wouldn’t be reading this. I’m pretty stupid but I’m not a complete retard.)

At this point it might be useful to talk a little economic theory here to explain a bit about my present mindset. As you may have guessed from the semi-pessimistic tone of this article, I don’t place too much weight on the future. Or in other words I have a high future discount rate. This means that at least for me personally, I don’t mind too much about what kind of negative impacts my actions today will have on me in future time periods (this is presumably because by the time those negative impacts come to light I will already be dead anyways.) I will explain why this is in the next few paragraphs. But before doing that I would like to point out that I do not hyper-discount the future. That is to say I don’t have like 10 beers and then get behind the wheel of a car discounting what will happen in the immediate future which is probably less than 15 minutes away.

Like I said, I’ve been giving this some thought. Ideally, how would my world end? Once again perhaps a little background is required here. So if you ask me, at some point a person’s existence pretty much just becomes a waste of resources (I mean like literally, the resources used to keep them alive are not equivalent to the value of their life, but this isn’t something that other people perceive. It’s most likely something that the person in question observes themselves. Again using economic theory here which is hard to argue with. If a person doesn’t feel that the money spent on resources for sustaining themselves is worth it to keep them alive, then they’ve probably hit this point, but it’s not something that other people can judge.) Inevitably at some point in their lives a person will reach this point (or possibly their time on Earth will expire before this point comes.) It’s easy to see that whatever this point is, it is impossible for anyone to know for sure if or when they’ll ever reach this point in their lives. However it is kind of fun (?) to speculate.

For me I think that in probably like 10 to 15 years from now, most all my friends (and certainly close friends) will be married, and be leading their happy family lives. My favorite cousin (who’s basically my little sister) will also have graduated from college, and presumably also have gotten married as well. At this point pretty much all the people I enjoy being around will give me an “ain’t nobody got time fo’ that” type response when I ask them if they want to hang outdo something. And lets face it, who can blame them. I’m kind of family oriented, so family comes first and foremost, everything else comes second, and I think a lot of my close friends are the same way, (so that is to say that if I was in their shoes I would probably respond similarly.)

At this point, life would probably get pretty lonely for me. Admittedly my close friends and I will still occasionally get together and do stuff. But I can speculate that inevitably these meetings will probably be far and few between. They will have their family matters to attend to, and no one will have time to play (and even if they did, things would still be different, mostly I’m referring to how hanging out with them will be more or less equivalent to hanging out with them and their significant others. And I mean look, I’m fine with playing third wheel here, I’m actually pretty good at it. I know when I should be around and when I should skiddadle  and things like that. I’m pretty durable too in that sense, but it is a little tiring and really not that fun.) I think that more or less at this point, I’ll have completely outlived my usefulness to society. (Okay in fairness to society I’m probably not that useful as a whole right now either. But at the point in my life that I am currently describing, pretty much literally nobody will need me around for really anything. Not my friends, not my family. Nobody. And look I’m not like trying to point blame, or chastise anyone, or anything like that, this is just a side effect of that thing people call life. Literally. This. Is. Just. How. Life. Works. I’m over it.)

And so at this point I have a hard time imagining that there’ll be much benefit of me just sticking around. After all, everyone I’m currently close to will (once again as a function of how life works) have kind of drifted away (Once again I’m not saying that we won’t ever see each other again or anything like that, but inevitably things change. Welcome to life.)

Some people (who are either in my position, or on the other side of the fence so to speak) may be thinking “Hold on a minute, what about your wife and kids?” Allow me to do something I hate here which is answer your question with another question. Do I (for those of you who know me personally) look or sound like someone who will ever have a wife or kids? So I just assume that I’ll never get married and never have kids? I assume. (As a somewhat lengthy aside here I’d like to make some counter points to things that have been pointed out to me. Some people have pointed out to me that “you’re pretty cool, and so nice, I’m sure you’ll find someone.” I appreciate the sentiment, really I do, but I am neither of those things. Also, have you ever noticed that when you walk into the doctors office to get a procedure done and they say something like “don’t worry, this won’t hurt,” usually whatever follows really hurts? Same concept applies here. Point of contention number 2. I’ve sometimes been told “Look man there are 6 billion people out there, I’m sure one of them is a match.” Inevitably this is true, with a staggering numbers like 6 billion, I find it pretty easy to believe that even someone as fucked up as me could find a match. With that being the said, I’m not going to meet 6 billion fucking people. I barely know 60 people on a first name basis.)

And so now we get to the fun part. How does the world end? Once again what’s here is just straight speculation. I have no idea how the world actually ends (and in case you haven’t figured it out, “How does the world end” is equivalent to me saying “How am I going to die (speculation.)” Look I know THE world doesn’t revolve around me, but my world does revolve around me, and will continue to do so for the foreseeable future. Okay so that statement isn’t entirely true, but it is a simplifying assumption that I can make which helps me prove my point so lets just go with it.)

I have this friend who is obsessed with climbing Mt. Everest  And she asked me a few times if I would be interested in also going. Initially the answer was pretty much a straight no. That climb has a roughly 20% mortality rate. I was not okay with that. But it got me thinking, under what kind of circumstances would that definite no actually be a yes. The answer to that was surprisingly simple. If no one needed me around anymore, I’d be okay going on that climb. But then following that train of thought, I had an even crazier thought. If I was okay with making that climb, why would I even want to come back (if my Mt. Everest friend is reading this she’s probably thinking “Oh god, when I go I am soooo not bringing you with me.” But that’s okay I suppose (well not really actually,) there’s no saying I wouldn’t just go on my own still hehe.)

And so there are two possible scenarios here (and again, I’d like to point out that this is mostly just me fantasizing and speculating, no saying whether or not this would actually ever happen.) The first scenario (and probably the more likely one) is that I’m just simply too weak to even come close to getting to the top, and so somewhere along the way I just die. Once again, back to the main topic, it’s not a bad death. It’s pretty cool (in both a literal and metaphorical sense,) and relatively painless I’d suspect. Died while attempting to scale Mt. Everest doesn’t sound bad at all.

But the even more awesome scenario is the following. By some miracle I reach the top. I take a look around, and I can pretty much see half way around the world in any direction. Then as I turn around to head down the mountain, there’ll be a little voice in the back of my head that’ll say “hey man, why don’t you have a seat, stay around for a while. Take a seat and let’s think about all the things you’ve ever done wrong, all at once.”

“Hey that’s cool man, but I really have to get back down this mountain.” I’ll reply.

“Really, get back to what?” the voice will ask me.

Then from the top of Mt. Everest  I’ll take another look around at the world. To all the (by the time I actually have the money to make this happen, probably) 7 billion people inhabiting the world around me. 0 of who would actually would be too broken hearted if I didn’t come back.

“Look man,” I’d say to the voice “rain check, I have to…..”

“You have to what?” the voice would ask.

By this point the lack of oxygen would probably start to get to me.

“Actually I think I’ll have that seat,” I’ll say “can’t say no to a view as great as this one huh?”

Then I’d take a seat, and eventually the end would kind of just happen. How. Cool. Is. That? And if that isn’t the way I end up being okay with, there’s always the giraffe pit at the zoo.

(I would be concerned that for future climbers if people went up there it’d be a little unsettling for them if my body was like just chilling there. But if my body was ruining the view they could just kick it down the mountain, I’d be cool with that.)

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Posted in Uncategorized on 5.3.13 by jellayrei

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